Holding Back
Watching when Japanese meet Japanese for the first time in Japan appears to be an uncomfortable experience for all involved. It is most certainly uncomfortable for Japanese when meeting foreigners for the first time. Westerners being frank and sometimes a little aggressive intimidate Japanese. For me, meeting Japanese can be an annoying experience. It is something similar to meeting a very shy child. There is usually no eye contact and not much is said. In Japanese this is called 摘nryo Holding back.
Japanese Politness
Enryo is a form of politeness, a device for maintaining a certain distance from those one does not know well or one considers as one's superiors. When Japanese meet someone for the first time, they tend to avoid close contact, such as a hand shake or embrace. A polite bow is the usual greeting. The distance does not necessarily mean unfriendliness, but it can certainly come across that way to new comers to Japan.
Enryo can be a somewhat time wasting and confusing social custom to foreigners. In the Westerners mindset it is Japanese being unnecessarily polite. For example, when offered a drink or food, it is courteous for Japanese to refuse what is offered at least once in order to show that they are holding back. This is being polite in Japan. What is important is show that you are not really declining the the offer, but just trying to show that you are being polite. So rather than saying a flat 渡o, Japanese say something like 鍍hat would be troubling you to much. The person making the offer will not take the response at face value . He or she will repeat the offer, saying, 菟lease don't hold back with the result of the offer finally being accepted.
Most young Japanese would agree that the logic behind 兎nryo at times doesn't really add up. More and more Japanese are finding the subtle exchanges of courtesy, the art of holding back, too difficult to perform perfectly . However, enryo is still a integral part of social behavior in which Japanese take extreme pride. In casual social encounters, holding back, is highly prized and praised.
Enryo can cause a multitude of problems in the world of international relations and business. Japanese business men are acutely aware that their custom of holding back is the exactly opposed to the Western way of 塗olding forth. Depending on where and how business is being done "enryo" can benefit or handicap Japanese. What Westerners should know that if they are playing by Japanese rules, then being too forward and forthright is putting yourself at a disadvantage. Japanese are more impressed with people who talk the least and who make their point by manner rather than their mouth.